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Art Harun

The Malays do their big business in the toilet by squatting on two pieces of whatever is available. In modern times, these toilets are called squat toilets. That is, I believe, the accepted Malay custom when it comes to the act of releasing one's excrement.

Nowadays, I am appalled by the fact that many Malays have abandoned this custom. They have now opted for sitting toilet where they would sit on the toilet seat and do their big business. This is so not Malay enough.

I am even more appalled that hotels, restaurants, shopping complexes, office complexes, air-planes, buses and whatever have seen it fit to do away with squat toilets. This robs me and other Malays - and even the non-Malays - from practicing the Malay custom. If nobody could practice the Malay custom in its entirety anymore I am afraid there wouldn't be any Malay left in this 1 Malaysia. The Federal Constitution defines a Malay as someone who, among others, practices the Malay custom. So, without being able to do my big business on a squat toilet, I wouldn't be able to practice the Malay custom. And I am afraid I would become a non-Malay under our Federal Constitution because of that.

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Comments (15)

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written by hellosunshine, October 20, 2009 16:38:20

Ha ha ha! And also, make sure Jakim and Jais snoop dogs go round checking all Muslims wash their backsides, after doing their business, with their left hand. If not, charge them in the Syariah court.

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written by malgal, October 20, 2009 16:41:09

It's ok, art harun.
heard that in some police stations, they have perfected a squatting exercise for their inmates or suspects. some have even seen the drill on some camera playback so it must be a popular training. they might want to adapt for sports curriculum or make it compulsory for national sports?

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written by teo siew chin, October 20, 2009 16:53:50

now now now ....dont get our knickers twisted.
1Toilet is not about how you do it but who you do it with.

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written by Vivarium, October 20, 2009 16:58:06

In contrast with other races on earth whose identities are traced back to their respective origins, Malay race is perhaps the only tribe of people in the world that is defined by man-made laws. There never existed a race called " Malay ", let alone Malay customs. There is a bigger race called Malaysian, and they do their daily business on either squat or sitting toilets, whatever is available and convenient to them.

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written by wongnoball, October 20, 2009 17:26:35

The Squat I can tolerate...but some people cannot even aim properly when Squatting that piss me off....I need to do Ballet in order to avoid stuff!!

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written by techboy_88, October 20, 2009 17:26:44

Laughing-out-loud is the best comment for this funny piece of writing. Aiyoo, what a parody. LOL

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written by advocatusdiaboli, October 20, 2009 19:10:04

Don't forget to tell the authorities to take the shit as evidence to be used in court. Also do a DNA test on that shit to make sure the owner is identified positively.

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written by vox populi, October 20, 2009 20:17:05

Najis should take heed and incorporate this 1 Squat Toilet in his 1Malaysia concept deception, because it is truly Malaysian. The Malays, Chinese and Indians of old had to squat to do their business until the orang putih came along and brought their sitting toilets. Give any orang putih a squat toilet and he will curse you for giving him the shits.

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written by SamBall, October 20, 2009 22:53:21

I wanted to practise this Malay custom but could not find suitable accomodations; so just went into the garden to shit

I hope this catches on.... Hidup 1Malaysia; subur la kebun; ini lah 1Malaysia olih najis

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written by bodohland_citizen, October 21, 2009 00:27:24

I'm not used to squating...furthermore, i have back ache problem. If this proposal passed by our 1Parlimen, what should i do ? I'm planning already to migrate to Australia where the people sit comfortably and shit.

The other accepted Malay custom is eating using your right hand. Will this also be proposed ? Its getting so so eerie.

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written by Fart Fart Wah, October 21, 2009 01:28:09

The original Malay custom ART HARUN was the jungle joe. You run into the jungle and wash in a stream or river or use a koleh.
Now Malays have reverted to their jungleness by squating like a monkey on sitting toilets...They do not have consideration for the OLD PEOPLe or disabled who need to sit and to the business. They do not know how to wash the seat or wipe the seat or place toilet paper on the seat and do it...MUST have come from Uitm or UM.

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written by Fart Fart Wah, October 21, 2009 01:31:58

By the way ART HARUN to claim for ketuanan Melayu..you must also have some refined way of doing your business right?? Or at least you must contribute to civilisation in some way for its progress before a civilization can be considered civilized or or having contributed to the world. What have the ketuanan Moolayus contributed???
They did not even invent the alat cuci pan**t. And they claim to be TUANs...
I want to puke....

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written by mikewang, October 21, 2009 06:20:09

From the link to Star, I observed,

"He said Malaysia should be proud because Bahasa Malaysia ranked fifth in the world in terms of the number of speakers."

There we go again!
How can DBP director-general Datuk Termuzi Abdul Aziz claim that BM ranked 5th in the world?
Did he seek the opinion of the Indonesians?
I don't believe the Indonesians consider themselves speaking BM.
This will surely invite retaliation from our giant neigbour.

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written by advocatusdiaboli, October 21, 2009 09:17:02

bro mikewang, its ranked the fifth from the rear. That Termuzi fella and DBP's policy is always count from the bottom up. hehehehehehe.......

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written by hanisma, October 21, 2009 10:42:46

1Malaysia First Lady can't be a Malay because with her enormous size and shape she simply cannot use the squat toilet. If she did, then she'd bound to 'melatah' - typical 'spur-of-a-moment' behavior when something unexpectedly happened. Only her 'melatah' would qualify her to be a Malay.
Art, your article made my day! Expecting more from you in the future.

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