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 By TAY TIAN YAN/Sin Chew Daily
All: You're back, Tuk! You're finally back (all moving forward with their arms wide open)!!
Boy and girl on right: Here's once your party (their right hands stretching to the right)! Boy and girl on left: Here's once your youth, your prime, and your old age (their left hands stretching to the left)! All: How're you doing, Tuk? (a 90-degree bow) Girls: Tuk, oh my Tuk, the party has changed; is your heart now filled with turbulent waves? (sighing) All: How much we've been longing for your return (all tilting to the left). Girls: Yea, we've been longing! All: It's great time for party members (left and right hugging together)! All: All members hand in hand, and sing along. You're back! You're finally back!! All: Who will forget his own identity, Tuk? (all lifting their party membership IDs) All: May you be healthy and happy always! (The above play is a mimic of the recital by students of Houzaimen Primary School in Xian, China, during a ceremony to welcome Lien Chan.) x x x Tuk M has said he would not come back to UMNO as long as Pak Lah is still in power. But now, Tuk M finally realises that he needs to come back. Although Pak Lah is still UMNO's president, his moods have not been too good lately. Tuk M is coming back, but Pak Lah is not the first person to be informed of this wonderful news! It was Pak Mu who pulled the string. He said, "You should come back to UMNO to restore the integrity of the Malays and strengthen BN." Pak Mu said Tuk M had agreed. No second thought or struggle within. Tuk M could have been dead excited then, but with a little shyness, like a little deer that is dashing blindly. Deep inside him he was thinking: Why didn't tell me earlier? But out of his mouth he uttered: "Do you think the Supreme Council wants me back?" Ha! Ha! x x x Drifting away for four months without a harbour to anchor, Tuk M could only write about his feelings towards the party and nation in his personal blog. But even as he writes, he has amassed a group of loyal followers who look to him as the leader. From economic policies, Permatang Pauh by-election, to penumpang remarks, whenever he smells an opportunity, Tuk M is there to lash out his power in full strength. Blame all the problems on Pak Lah and his incompetent leadership. And as he grumbles on, many things have now become reality. As such, followers have thronged in from all directions. Tuk M's value is reaching for the skies. To save the nation and party, he is not to be left out! x x x Tuk M is coming back to UMNO, and no one can stop him. He is back, apparently with the aura of a Saviour. The form is filled and handed in to the Supreme Council. Who is there to say "no"? That must be a traitor to UMNO. The "001" membership ID must be given back to Tuk M. In the midst of the perfect storm, he is that guiding light. Changing of guards in 2010? Tuk M: No way, that will be too late. We're not going to wait that long! President and deputy president posts uncontested? Tuk M: No way. There must be new faces! Tuk M is back. This time, his status will not be the same again. And what he says will carry more weight. Tuk M, the one and only Tuk M. (Translated by DOMINIC LOH)
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Guest Columnists 
Mahatma Gandhi
Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 - 1948.