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Dear Pete PDF Print E-mail
Posted by Super Admin   
Tuesday, 19 August 2008 14:49

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Is there something troubling you? Do you have problem you would like to discuss? Are you undecided about a certain matter and would like an opinion on what to do? Or do you just want to pour out your problems and share it with us. Then write to ‘Dear Pete’ and let us help you.

NO HOLDS BARRED

Raja Petra Kamarudin 

Dear Pete,

I am engaged to this young man and we will be getting married next year. However, I am unsure of him and suspect he may be unfaithful to me. You see, I think he is gay as I have caught him ‘making eyes’ with other men many times and I read somewhere that gay man are promiscuous. Furthermore, homosexuality is prohibited in my religion, Islam, so this may create problems with my parents, who are very staunch Muslims. What should I do?

Yati

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Dear Yati,

First of all, you must not think that all gay men are promiscuous. Some are actually very faithful and have remained with the same partner for many years. But then you only suspect that your fiancé may be gay because, as you said, you caught him ‘making eyes’ with other men. It could be that he is just a friendly sort of person, that’s all.

Anyway, why not lay the matter to rest by getting him to swear on the Quran in a mosque that he is not gay. This is now the trend adopted by the government to dispel any accusations that one is gay.

Pete

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Dear Pete,

I am an Indian by birth and have tried for so long to pass myself off as Malay. But my friends still call me ‘Mamak’ and this really upsets me. I am half-Muslim and half-Hindu and I have made this clear many times. Mamaks are pure Muslims so this label certainly does not apply to me, who am half-Muslim and half-Hindu. What should I do? Do you think suing all those who call me ‘Mamak’ will help? I am filthy rich and possess the right connections and can choose the judge who will hear my case; so I will surely win all my cases.

Son of Abdullah

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Dear Son of Abdullah,

First of all, you can’t go around suing all your friends who call you ‘Mamak’ or else you will have no friends left. You can, however, sue all your enemies who call you ‘Mamak’. But then, if your enemies run into millions, you may end up being ‘locked up’ in court for the rest of your life.

One option would be to change your name, in particular the ‘Son of Abdullah’ part. You can legally do this by obtaining a change-of-name certificate from the National Registration Department.

In fact, you can even add a Tunku, Raja or Tengku to your name. And your name should be changed to something very Malay sounding, such as Embong, Jusoh, etc. How does Tengku Embong Bin Tengku Jusoh sound like? This is not only very Malay but will also give you a ‘royal’ touch as well.

Pete

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Dear Pete,

I am a Hindu who is about to marry a Malay girl. My future parents-in-law insist that I must first convert to Islam but I am worried that, when I die, there may be a tug-of-war between my family and my wife’s family as to where I should be buried. What should I do? Should I convert to Islam or forget about marrying this Malay girl?

Rajadurai a/l Rajalingam

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Dear Rajadurai,

If you really love this Malay girl then carry on and marry her, even if you are forced to convert to Islam. You must remember; love is blind; which, therefore, can help you overcome any trial and tribulation. So you must be prepared to face whatever comes for the sake of love.

Anyway, what do you care what happens to your body after you have died? It is not like you will know where you are buried since you are already dead. And look at it on the bright side. Once you convert you will no longer be known as Rajadurai a/l Rajalingam. You can request that your new Muslim name be changed to ‘Raja Durai Bin Raja Lingam’ and then everyone will have to address you as ‘Tengku’. You will then be entitled to buy Amanah Saham shares and Malay Reservation land -- plus you can also become an Umno member and do a post-graduate course in UiTM, amongst some of the other benefits.

Who knows, you might even become the next Prime Minister, as Indians of the Islamic faith appear to have the best chance of becoming Prime Minister. And, no, you don’t need to change your name to ‘Bin Abdullah’. This is not what Islam stipulates and you can insist that they retain your original name, but with some modifications as I suggested above.

Pete

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Dear Pete,

I started my business about ten years ago but can’t seem to make it in the business world. My financial problems have strained my marriage and my wife has asked for a divorce. I am contemplating closing down my business and instead go work for a Chinese towkay who has indicated he is prepared to give me a job. But I do not want to be remembered as a failure and my Malay pride forces me to plod on against all hope even though I know it is futile to continue along this dead end road. Furthermore, why should I go work for a Chinese towkay when it is these Chinese who are robbing us Malays of our rights? What should I do?

Melayu Baru

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Dear Melayu Baru,

You should bury your Malay pride and do what is right for your family, even if it means closing down your business and going to work for a Chinese towkay. Your family should come first. I know it is demeaning to work for the same Chinese who are robbing us Malays of our rights. But let’s face it, 90% of the economy is controlled by the Chinese and, as the previous Prime Minister said, they also pay 90% of the taxes. So we Malays have really no choice but to tompang with the Chinese. That is the reality of the situation.

Pete

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Dear Pete,

I am about to enter university and am undecided whether to take Business Administration or Political Science. My friends advice me to take Business Administration because, they say, I can make more money in the business world. What do you advice?

UiTM New Intake

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Dear UiTM New Intake,

I would advice you take Political Science as you certainly can make more money in politics than in business. The business world is very competitive and there are more failures than success stories. Once you make it politics, you can enjoy 30% shares in Chinese companies plus Chairmanships thrown in. And these shares are all free. You need not pay for them. And, later, when you sell these shares, you get to keep the money.

Pete

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Dear Pete,

I am a 56-year old Malay businessman who is about to marry a 26-year old singer. I am considering going for Botox treatment to make my face look younger but was told that it is haram for Muslims. What is your advice?

Sugar Daddy

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Dear Sugar Daddy,

You can consider eating plenty of tempe because an ex-Chief Minister did just that and he now looks much younger. But I don’t know how much tempe you need to eat and for how long before you get to see the positive affects. One setback with eating too much tempe is that it will give you plenty of wind, so you will have to be very careful with crowded lifts.

Anyway, you should not worry too much whether Botox is haram or not considering that you are a businessman. Surely you indulge in haram activities everyday and Botox would be way at the bottom of the long list of harams.

Pete

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Dear Pete

I am running a bar-disco and have installed 20 slot machines, which is the main money-spinner for my bar-disco. The slot machines can bring me about RM1 million a month. However, while I have a licence to operate my bar-disco, I do not have a licence for the 20 slot machines and now the police want me to pay them RM50,000 a month as protection money or else they will confiscate my slot machines and probably also close down my bar-disco. Bribery is haram in Islam and I am not sure whether I should pay the police the RM50,000 a month they are asking for or should I instead remove the 20 slot machines? I want to avoid doing something that Islam forbids. What is your advice?

Islam Jati

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Dear Islam Jati,

Bribery is prohibited in Islam so I urge you to not pay the RM50,000 a month to the police even though your slot machines are bringing in RM1 million a month. Remove the slot machines and just operate your bar-disco, which has a licence. That would be the proper Islamic thing to do.

Pete

Comments (170)Add Comment
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written by emastulen, August 19, 2008 15:03:48
Dear Pete,

You are so original and so well informed. Do keep up the many stories and rest assure many many of us anak Bangsa Malaysia will support you. I truly enjoy this masterpiece.
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written by anak penang, August 19, 2008 15:05:55
Your are hilarious Pete
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written by cklife, August 19, 2008 15:07:43
Robbing Malays Rights?
Since when working for Chinese who's a towkey becomes an issue of robbing the Malays Rights?
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Votes: +278
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written by kksam, August 19, 2008 15:08:39
Dear Pete,

I am so **** up with this government. Last election was my first valid election, and i voted against Liew Tiong Lai. but still he won, and now the HKC Najib is going to take over as the ****ing PM. i'm so depress that i wish i can voted and vote and vote and continue to vote the ****ing BN out of government. I'm glad you are here with us fighting against the ****ing HKC BN. Thanks again for your bravery.
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Votes: +177
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written by GOLDLUV, August 19, 2008 15:09:15
I suggest you to have the column for real.I like the Sugar daddy..bingo!!
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Votes: +115
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written by TruthSayer, August 19, 2008 15:09:44
Kudos to Uncle Pete who has just shown us that there are more than 99 ways to skin a cat.

smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif

I had so much fun reading this.
Thanks for making my day
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Votes: +170
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written by Mangan, August 19, 2008 15:09:59
Dear Pete,

Thanks for the “Dear Pete” article. I really enjoyed reading it…

Mangan
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Votes: +104
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written by CitizenBodohland, August 19, 2008 15:14:57
Dear Pete,

These are only some of the jokes. Imagine how many jokes the WHOLE WORLD can make out of our BN CIRCUS.

I will just give one here when MIC Sami Bulu lost his seat:

This is what my friend sms me:

"MIC rebranding : PersatUan Kaum India MAlaysia (Join the capital letters please and you'll get the short form)"

I sent back:

"MCA rebranding: TIonghUa NatIonal Association MAlaysia (Join the capital letters and you'll get the short form)"
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Votes: +40
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written by cruzeiro, August 19, 2008 15:15:57
I am an Indian by birth and have tried for so long to pass myself off as Malay. But my friends still call me ‘*****’ and this really upsets me. I am half-Muslim and half-Hindu and I have made this clear many times. *****s are pure Muslims so this label certainly does not apply to me, who am half-Muslim and half-Hindu.

================================

ROTFLOL!!!

So that's the story ...... smilies/cheesy.gif
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Votes: +57
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written by cruzeiro, August 19, 2008 15:17:59
Now even the word '*****' is censored for the benefit of "sensitivities" .... now that is derogatory?
LOL!
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Votes: +23
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written by johnnie, August 19, 2008 15:22:22
Dear Pete,
I do like your sense of humour, and still get the message across! I enjoyed the above article which is the gist of what is happening in the country.
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Votes: +82
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written by timmy, August 19, 2008 15:22:29
Dear Pete,

I have been sued left to right, top to bottom for writing blog. But my hand still feel the itch to write blog. What should I do?

Pete2

Dear Pete2,

Oh that's easy, I did it every time. Just prepare a big trash can and dump in the free-used la(w)ya papers sent to you and wait for the next "suratkhabar lama" collector to come and earn some cash. Isn't it wonderful, free money!

Pete
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Votes: +58
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written by June, August 19, 2008 15:23:11
Dear Pete,

There is a lawyer wanted to sue me because I defamed him in his 3 articles. What should I do?? Should I just appoint a lawyer and sued him back as he call me PEA BRAIN and MONKEY!!

Love June

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Votes: +38
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written by Wisdom above, August 19, 2008 15:23:55
Full of Wisdom on facts of life.

Syabas.
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Votes: +33
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written by born2reign, August 19, 2008 15:24:16
HAHAHAHAHA good one Pete
kasi kow-kow! (Chinese Malay language-only a Malaysian understands)
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Votes: +44
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written by axeltung, August 19, 2008 15:25:08
Dear Pete,

I feel 'PISS OFF" to the current govt, should I migrate to Singapore or China?? As "CHOW MEE HOON" said, without her political party, all the chinese in Malaysia should be "BALIK TONG SAN" (back to China Mainland)...!! Please Pete, I need your advice smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif
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Votes: +45
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written by ibabonma, August 19, 2008 15:26:23
Pete, my problem is...well, I mean one ***** tongkang, a lawyer, is contempleting to sue me i a civil court 'by invoking the Seditious Act'! Don't you think that this tongkang is plain stupid?
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Votes: +29
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written by wag the dog, August 19, 2008 15:31:20
Dear Pete,

I have a friend who lectures in UiTM. He is very hard working and he is not Malay or Bumiputra. He never missed classes or short changes the Malay students. However he says most non-Malay lectures are like him. However he says the Malay lectures alys skip classes due to MC, Son sick, husband travelling, no maid etc. He is disgusted that the Malays are cheating the Malays and non-Malays are not allowed entry to the university. Please help me advise him.

Thank you.

Former ITM Student (but I tell everyone I graduated from UiTM he! he!)
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Votes: +50
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written by teo siew chin, August 19, 2008 15:32:24
Dear Yang Mulia Raja Petra

I think occasionally the missus need to strap you across her knees and give you a good spanking cos you are totally naughty this time! smilies/grin.gif

BTW Journeys's "After All These Years" so aptly describe you and your partner-in-crime smilies/grin.gif. You two are one lucky dude&dudess. SYABAS.
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Votes: +27
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written by temenggong, August 19, 2008 15:34:11
Dear Pete,

You may not believe it but I am really a good for nothing bum and I am fed up with my job.

I though I should become the AG. What do you think? I know some law as I have been reading the NST for some time. Who should I sue to get that job?

Bum
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Votes: +45
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written by Dora, August 19, 2008 15:38:39
Hey 'Agony Aunt' Pete you are Absolutely hilarious!!

Only you RPK can come up with a 'masterpiece' like this and get away with it!

We know who you are talking about, and 'they' must be squirming in their seats, so 'helpless' because 'they' can't do a thing about your piece. ha ha ha...

you are on a roll man......... keep going.
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Votes: +42
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written by A MI, August 19, 2008 15:40:15
Hilarious but on reflection feel real sad at the sorry state of affairs in our country.
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Votes: +24
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written by zandi, August 19, 2008 15:40:18
Dear Pete,

I am addicted to surfing the net to update myself on political on-goings around the world and especially in Malaysia. I love to post comments or post my thoughts on current issues on the Net, and I frequent sites such as Msia Insider, Msia Kini, LKS blog, DSAI blog, Malaysia Today, Sabah Forum, etc, but I enjoy most visiting and posting on MT. But there's this filthy rich lawyer who calls us MT visitors as 'vulgar' and 'pea-brain', and he is threatening to “sue each and everyone" of us "under the Sedition Act". Can you tell us whether this lawyer even know what he is blabbering about? Can he use the Sedition Act or should this case be under some kind of Cyber Act? I believe he has all the dirty money to sue the millions of MT visitors (but I wonder whether he has enough lifetime to sue each and everyone of us?). Still, what should I do? Can we counter-sue him for calling us names, too?

MT Addict

P/S, Thank you for this "Dear Pete column"...it's hilarious! Lol...
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Votes: +45
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written by rakyatmalaysia, August 19, 2008 15:40:20
Dear Pete,

how to be PM and screw tons of cash to my bank ? Can u let me know how to purchase my own private boein using goverment money ?

A.B
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Votes: +35
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written by LabRat, August 19, 2008 15:41:19
Dear Pete,

I am a pure breed Malay who believes strongly in Ketuanan Melayu. It is because this same belief assisted me to obtain my degree in a prestigious foreign university. Recently I got married to the daughter of a very rich and powerful towkay. But honestly, I married her not because of her looks or because she is sexy (as you know, we Malay treasure these two qualities in our wives), but it was because I have very high ambition to take over my FIL's business empire (if you are not aware, FIL is father in law in full, but I guess everyone knows the meaning by now). My problem is that there is this other guy, who is now assisting my FIL with his business also has ambition to take over the business, and he always take advantage of situations whenever my FIL is asleep (and boy, my FIL does sleep all the time). For your info, this guy had several mistresses, guess cos his wife is butt ugly, much the same like mine. What should I do to get rid of this playboy?

Lucky SIL
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Votes: +66
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written by RitchieLow, August 19, 2008 15:43:11
Wakakakaka, haven't had such a laugh for so long.. whats with the state of affairs afflicting all of us.. this is a good break.. and dang... so true too.
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Votes: +24
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written by Engineer, August 19, 2008 15:48:28
Izzam begged me to post this.

Dear Pete,

I have a fantastic idea to make big money. Unfortunately it is one off business. The business is Sodo-Mee. How can I expand my business idea?

Dear Izzam,

You can franchise your idea to any onion skinned face guy and share the profit 50:50.


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Votes: +30
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written by Cozy, August 19, 2008 15:49:40
Macam pernah dengar aje "Half muslim & Half hindu"... Is it from the news lately?

"Half Muslim & Half Hindu" is a new species ke?

Please get Tuan Guru Nik Aziz comment on this? Where does this word can be adopt by any Muslim Malaysian...?

Who the hell is this guy telling about the new species...?

Wujud ke????



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Votes: +12
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written by CitizenBodohland, August 19, 2008 15:51:27
Dear Pete,

I know you are nearly botak. But I think my case is worse... I am licin and shiny. You see, nowadays I have a lot of press conference to make especially when this Sai Fool's anal has now become the police favorite subject. I want to look handsome also maahhh...Please give some advice, but make sure I don't look like the Indian fella. I am worry he will say I copy him.

Botak Licin
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Votes: +27
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written by cwy, August 19, 2008 15:53:05
KEPADA DYMM Sultan Petra Ibni Almarmum Sultan Kamaludin,

Ampun TUANKU, BERIBU-RIBU AMPUAN,
Saya adalah anak kepada Peguam Abdul Shaffi Bin Tambi dan Linda Teh Binti Abdullah. Saya sedang mengikuti kursus perdagangan di UITM ikut kehendak ayah.
Memandangkan pensyarah2 saya yang kurang menyakinkan masa hadapan saya, ibu saya cadangkan agar saya ditukar ke UNITAR. Ayah saya tidak ada sebarang halangan tapi mengesyurkan agar saya mendapatkan lebih maklumat dan nasihat dari kawan2 dan pihak2 yang berpengalaman.
Maka saya ingin memohon pandangan TUANKU berkenaan masalah kemelut saya.
Ampun TUANKU!

Patik yang memohon,
Tengku Syarifah Aini Binti Abdul Ghani.
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Votes: +18
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written by ahmadneil, August 19, 2008 15:53:44
Dear Pete,I have a fat auntie who is so fat that she can't see her feet.She likes showing off her jewellery to the public. Her husband fool around with girls from Mongolia,China etc.He travels very often so I as his wife have many sleepless night.He complain that I'm too fat and snoring very loud when I sleep.So this make him very annoyed sometimes.My friends told me that may be the reason he goes out and mess around with Mongolian gals.So Pete can you help me.I'm very desperate! From Ayam Rose Ma bin swine. Dear Ayam Rose Ma bin swine, I'm very sorry to that your husband is facing this problem but sometimes man are like that becos they find solace in the arms of younger gal especially mongolian gals.I don't why but that is the latest craze now.I think it would be better if you seek doctor help regarding your snoring.Try to stick your middle finger down your throat often as it may help to widen your wind pipe. Pete
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Votes: +33
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written by TWOG, August 19, 2008 15:56:25
Dear Auntie-Agony Pete,

I am a politician who is about to become pee-amp. However, there's just this pesky little Ant-war I-bar-him who may just spoil my chances of ascending to the throne, becoming pee-amp. My mentor told me to a Sodomy Redux. The only problem is, while I have a willing stooge who is truly Sai-ful ("Sai" as in Hokkien), although he is not very insightful), I have not been able to nail the bugger as the DNA sample I have are too old. What should I do? Should I quickly pass a law to require any person to submit their DNA samples?

My real conundrum is this - what if that I-bar-him person only submit hair samples or mouth swabs for DNA profiling, instead of semen or blood samples which are really what I need to shaft them up full-of-sai's arse as evidence more useful for DNA profiling?

Yours in agony
Najis
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Votes: +39
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written by ahmadneil, August 19, 2008 16:03:22
Dear Pete,I have piles in my *******. Do you think I can be as famous as saiful and make lots of money.Actually I'm a very religious man but after seeing saiful on TV every night and hearing his rag to riches story I want to be one like him, earning fast money.At first I was thinking of going direct selling but I think this is a better way.Can you help me,Pete!I need your urgent reply becos the piles are getting bigger each day.
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Votes: +42
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written by Jeffrey, August 19, 2008 16:04:11
Pete, you are really something!!!! This one out-shine whatever your previous writings!!! Bravo, keep it up, man!!!I just cant stop laughing, it really made my day. I owe you a beer!!!
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Votes: +25
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written by captmarco ramius, August 19, 2008 16:04:41
YM RPK

An article about the sorry state of affairs in our beloved nation.Nevertheless,A Good Read.Thank You.

P/S : Just curious...of all the name you can find,why EMBONG JUSOH ?
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Votes: +18
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written by educationist, August 19, 2008 16:04:47
Dear Pete,
I see the odds stacked against the PR agenda and I feel discouraged and feel hopeless.
With the full weight of the instruments of state against Anwar, will the kangaroo court against him turn out differently this time.
If Anwar is put away, one way or the other, can the PR alliance hold?
Feeling Down
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Votes: +6
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written by miracle, August 19, 2008 16:10:54
dear pete

could have a *dear pete* column in all the msm or better to have a special tel line for this service. who knows bodowi might be one to write / call in for help??
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Votes: +14
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written by Bigdawg, August 19, 2008 16:10:59
Dear Pete,

Last night I dreamt I sodomee Saiful, and got up to change my wet pants.

Now I want to send my DNA Bukit Aman for DNA analysis. What do you say?

Anjing Besar.
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Votes: +21
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written by Navigator, August 19, 2008 16:11:01
Dear Pete,

You are hilarious.
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Votes: +15
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written by Debbie, August 19, 2008 16:12:12
pete,

you made my 12 and 13 yr old kids want to go back to malaysia..just to have a roti canai..after looking at the word '*****'(used to tell the kids lets go have roti canai at the ***** stall down the road)

they even laughed at the word 'gay'..it is so common here that, they laughed at the scenario above.

guess i have to tell them whats really been happening in our beloved country.

Good one pete , made my weekday a lot easier to go thru.

cheers and shalom
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Votes: +22
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written by Food Thought, August 19, 2008 16:14:30
Dear Pete,

You're funny. Could you please keep this coming ? In a meantime, can you help me to decide which device should i buy, iDola or Jen-ii ? Which is more powerful ? I heard that iDola can go into a sleep mode anytime. Thank you.
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Votes: +14
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written by malgal, August 19, 2008 16:16:06
Dear Agony Aunt but really Uncle Pete,
Thank u for listening to our agonies. We hear of so many corrupt practices in our country. But if we report them, we kena. If we didnt, we also kena had. Do we pretend not to know and wave them aside?
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Votes: +14
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written by cwy, August 19, 2008 16:20:45
Dear Pete,

I'm studying in UITM and my father is a Chinese and my mother is a Malay.
I'm quite disgusted with some of my classmates keep saying that Chinese are pigs. And the worst is that the lecturers here can't speak proper English.
I intend to continue my study in UM. Can you please give me some advice?

Thanks!
Love,
Johan Bin Johari.
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Votes: +19
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written by tommymuka, August 19, 2008 16:24:16
Dear Pete,
My good friend is gay and I am not. So, one day I saw him with
Hugh African guy checking into hotel .Fours days he was constipated.
I asked him ,are u in the pain,he said no problem ,I am used to it.
Then,he told me ,I like another guy A but he is not giving in,I tried my best.
So,I fixed A up ,I told the doctor that Guy A sodomised me actually he did not.
Now, no one believes in him ..What shall he do? Shall he swear on his uncle ‘s arse!


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Votes: +20
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written by YSL, August 19, 2008 16:24:21
Pete,

I am in love with a Mongolian girl named Utrathuya and i don't really love her but i love her sex and her know her to make me come.

I like her *******! But i am a Very Very Important Pig. How can i get rid of her or continue to have sex with her without risking my Very Very Important Pig position ?

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Votes: +25
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written by lab76820, August 19, 2008 16:25:15
Greetings Uncle Pete,

smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif : what else can we say. U made my day. Indeed!
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Votes: +19
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written by ahmadneil, August 19, 2008 16:30:08
Dear Pete I'm WELL KNOWN POLITICIAN and I like to cheat on my fatty wife.I use to go out every night to find prostitute ans escort gals but I'm scare that people will know me,so most of the time I do it in my mercedes.I prefer travelling becos I feel at ease with these gals in my arms and nobody knows me. To be honest I like to go to Mongolia,paradise on earth with beautiful scenery.So help me pete before my wife catch me.Don't tell me to stop seeing gals becos it's my favourite past time and also to get away from wife who is too talkative.
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Votes: +22
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written by sjs, August 19, 2008 16:30:43
Dear Pete,

As spoken to you on the phone, I recently slept with a Malay minister's wife. I am a Hindu. Can I swear on the Quran? Or should I do it on my own holy book? Will it be accepted in Islam? Can you keep the pictures I gave you in confident? I will reveal it after Anwar becomes the PM.
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written by franklyspeaking, August 19, 2008 16:36:42
Dear Pete,
All I can say is a BIG THANK YOU!
Regards,
Franklyspeaking
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written by TwilightYears, August 19, 2008 17:00:30
Dear Pete,
I really need your advice as I am having sleepless nights. You see, I am a sinseh and a full time politician. But I am also a part time porno actor, but since I am firthy rich, I don't charge my DVD or VCD. I have put my act even in the internet for free. What my main worry is that I have engaged in "unnatural sex" and am afraid that should the future PM be found guilty even on a trump up charge, I would surely be the next one to go to jail as mine act was genuine.

On the top of all these worries, I am going for another political "erection" soon so that I can become somebody in the Govt. The problem is that the main player of this Erection did not want me as a running mate, although my porno act has shown that I can satisfy any mate. Please help.
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written by truthbespoken, August 19, 2008 17:02:59
Dear Pete,

You are so so bloody original and indomitable! HawHawHawHawHawHawHawHawhaw!
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written by uxzee, August 19, 2008 17:05:55
Dear Pete,

I am not a ***** and was once the PM of Malaysia. I was also not corrupted at all and have done very wonderful things for Malaysia. But the problem is, the MSMs who once praised and glorify me now seems to be very unfriendly. The people whom I have helped a great deal are ungrateful and are now avoiding me and one of them is threatening to be the PM of Malaysia. I have already spoken aloud that I will migrate if he became PM. What should I do if he became PM ?
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written by Raja Gasper, August 19, 2008 17:06:49
A good and up to date article by Pete.Well many Chinese and Indian guys who
embrace Islam by marrying Malay girls for fame,wealth and rich are doing fine.

It is not that Malay girls bring alone prosperity but it is a by product in
Malaysia or will just called a salvation from the Govt of Malaysia provided
the people who accept Islam can manage himself and bring the success from
ASB,ASN,Lincense,quato,contract,UiTM,....etc etc to enhance life in a wonder
ful way and support the Govt at all costs.

Simply it is "THINK BIG AND GROW RICH WITH US" and that was the message here.
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written by AuntyG, August 19, 2008 17:10:03
Dear Truthbespoken
Howcome you hawhawhawhawhawhawhaw??
You mean DearShafteeee has called you a monkey (for commenting)
and now DearPete has made you a donkey??? hawhawhawhaw
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written by truthbespoken, August 19, 2008 17:16:38
Dear AuntyG,

This article by Pete is just too gud not to enjoy it to the fullest! Am glad you felt that way too. Someone called us monkeys but I guess it's all right to be donkeys too sometimes, for Pete's sake! Cheers! Haw haw Haw Haw Haw!
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written by non conformist, August 19, 2008 17:22:17
>

This poor Indian is all confused... He is definitely not a Malay no matter how he pretends. And he confessed that he is neither a Muslim nor a Hindu. He can't made up his mind what to believe... He is NO WHERE... he is facing identity crisis of the worst kind. Why don't he just accept that he is plain and simple Indian to begin with, then decide carefully which of the two faiths, Hinduism or Islam that he want to embrace.
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written by non conformist, August 19, 2008 17:23:35
'I am an Indian by birth and have tried for so long to pass myself off as Malay. But my friends still call me ‘*****’ and this really upsets me. I am half-Muslim and half-Hindu and I have made this clear many times. *****s are pure Muslims so this label certainly does not apply to me, who am half-Muslim and half-Hindu. What should I do?'

This poor Indian is all confused... He is definitely not a Malay no matter how he pretends. And he confessed that he is neither a Muslim nor a Hindu. He can't made up his mind what to believe... He is NO WHERE... he is facing identity crisis of the worst kind. Why don't he just accept that he is plain and simple Indian to begin with, then decide carefully which of the two faiths, Hinduism or Islam that he want to embrace.
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written by panca, August 19, 2008 17:27:34
Dear Pete,

Spiteful made that you are a bankrupt for that reason nothing can be drained from you but yet you are the richest. Of moral standing, political awareness of Rakyat's grouses and pains, driving rightful messages that you personally gained none from doing so but earn our utmost respect because of your love of the country. We can heartily say, "None is as rich as you, one who fights for the well being of the country"'


There are obviously some very rich but morally bankrupt.

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written by budakindia, August 19, 2008 17:29:23
You said it, Pete! smilies/wink.gif smilies/grin.gif
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written by hace, August 19, 2008 17:31:16
Dear Pete,
I am a very, very PRIVATE investigator. I am so private that though i wanted my loved ones to know where i am but i can't because i must keep it private. Actually , this place where i am is so private that i don't even where it is. Please help me.
Privately Yours,
Bal Asi Ngam
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written by sonofman0, August 19, 2008 17:32:17
written by GOLDLUV, August 19, 2008 | 15:09:15
I suggest you to have the column for real.I like the Sugar daddy..bingo!!

Dear GOLDLUV,
How do you know the column is not for real? Are you prepared to swear on it?
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written by rocky, August 19, 2008 17:37:09
ROTFLMAO smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif

That was funny especially the tempe part.

anyway dear pete I'm an Ind. MP want to be. When I become an MP, is it ok to jump party cos the DPM said it is improper for MPs to jump from one party to another as it is betrayal of peoples trust. I'm confused as I remember BN receiving MPs who have jumped to BN in the past even in 2006/2007 MP of Bahau jump into MCA/BN. So is BN above all and god like that jumpin away is a betrayal but not the other way around. BTW when I jump into BN, is it ok to practise corruption, make promise that I can't keep and spend money like crazy as well as take 'commissions'. are these betrayal of peoples trust?

CONfused Ind MP want to be. smilies/wink.gif
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written by BennyG, August 19, 2008 17:39:41
Dear Pete,

smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif

Had a good laugh today. Thank you for triggering the funny side of the very serious problems in Malaysian politics.
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written by ramlisdar, August 19, 2008 17:40:41
The IGP succesfully undergone bypass at IJN. refer this link. He is still alive and now recuperating.



http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/8/19/nation/20080819154027&sec=nation
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written by ramlisdar, August 19, 2008 17:42:00
IGP survived bypass operation at IJN. He is still alive !!!!!!!!!!!



http://www.thestar.com.my/news/story.asp?file=/2008/8/19/nation/20080819154027&sec=nation
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written by hace, August 19, 2008 17:42:46
Dear Pete,
I'm a doctor from Burma. i was working in your beloved country before but i was sacked because i was not a anal specialist. I am now back in my country and looking for anal university to further my studies but they don't have it here. I do hope you can help me find one in your country. I love to be back.
Anally Yours,
Dr. Oh Si Man
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written by Mickey, August 19, 2008 17:43:32
Agree that it's funny, but the sad part it's true and the nation is at it's pits right now, so what can be worse?
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written by Motherchell, August 19, 2008 17:54:28
My dearest YM Raja Petra Bin Raja Kamarudin, I had been terribly down with all the filth thrown at you and DSAI, you just pepped me up , I thank you , I always wish there was a Shangrila , where all of us here , could live and enjoy the life we fight tooth and nail , not with weapons but with the IQ you give us to think so wonderfully. So much to extol about you -- words cant say all that I want to say about your true convictions , the pains you go thro' daily for us all!

God Bless you and your family always Pete! Thank you again , and I remember you said once ," God speaks in mysterious ways "!!!
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written by KotaDamansara73, August 19, 2008 17:56:38
Dear Pete,

I want to be a muslim because I want to marry a malay girl. I find malay girl more beautiful. But I don't want to sunat. What should I do?
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written by Jbao, August 19, 2008 17:57:35
Dear Pete
I hope you can help me. My sister died late last year. I was the sole beneficiary of her insurance policy. But when I checked with the Insurance Company (GE)whose motto is "life is great but death is your problem, not ours" I found out it has already been cashed out months before her death when she was already incapacitated by her unscrupulous 2nd spouse. She had wanted me to use the money to help pay for our aged father medical bills.

When I asked how the insurance company can allow the policy to be surrendered when my sister could not sign her signature at that time as the Mad-cow disease had already eaten her brain, the insurance company said it does not matter as long as there was a mailed request to alter her signature, even if she cannot sign her old signature and all the personal details (like add, passport nos, name etc)differ from the original policy. I guest this "Malaysia Bolih" spirit has penetrated to all strata of our society. I am sure there are other scams liek this but not publicized for public awareness.

This is a true story. So Insurance policy owners beware. Someone might just change your signature and hijack your insurance benefits. And they were very efficient as well. The signed documents were processed and approved all in the same day as they were received. Payment was made promptly the next day.

So now my father is left without any funds while my sister's 2nd spouse is enjoying his ill-gotten gains. Sigh! Where is justice?
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written by Msian 2, August 19, 2008 18:02:50
Hi Pete,

I worked so hard on everything. Really very hard & have been successful from converting from Paul Mooty to Raja Iskandar. U know, my biggest conquest since then is wealth & fame as I on the private side is still Paul & golly I have 3 Mary's now. Tell me, between You(as Pete), and I as Paul we can conquer all the Mary's available -- interested in this game plan. I have a white board to do planning secretly. What U think?? My email address is oo7.
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written by panca, August 19, 2008 18:04:33
Dear Pete,

This is for you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nfbOHebiBgw&NR=1
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written by timberguy, August 19, 2008 18:20:44
Dear Pete,
HAHAHAHA! I laughed my ass off! It is funny, because they are all TRUE! smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif smilies/cheesy.gif
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written by HawaiiBlues, August 19, 2008 18:42:41
Dear Pete,

OMG this is SO hilarious!!! You should compile all this and publish booklets, to raise funds for bloggers .... I'm sure they will sell like hot cakes .... I'll be the first customer .... heheheheh .... smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif
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written by Fart Fart Wah, August 19, 2008 18:45:07
Great shot RPK....fantastic....satire..courld not have done it better!!!
What a laugh.

sorry for calling the Indian Muslims mhamooks..I apologize for this..
but the leader of the mahmooks started to spoil the good name of those who are sincere converts...

I have a problem. One night I had an erection I jumped over one majesty's fence fooled around with a princess. Unfortunately she got pregnant. so in order to cover up the pregnancy and to make the adultery halal I got married across the border. However I have to confess that I had to backdate the marriage to ensure that my act was covered.Is is this ok???

I also took 3million to another country. However the money is not mine but my brother in law's..I don't understand the English that these people speak. They say good die instead of good day..I was confused..Anyway people questioned me how come I have so much money when I was just a headmaster..I really feel insulted...because they never questioned the other headmasters...please tell me me what to say..


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written by rakyatmalaysia, August 19, 2008 18:56:07
dear pete,

Can samy velu swear that he didt use government money for his hair plant ? just curious..
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written by Jbao, August 19, 2008 18:59:45
Dear Pete
I am a college drop-out with no chance to make it big in life. I am deeply depressed until I heard that you can make big bucks and be set for life if you swear on the bible that you had been sodomised. Can you provide me with the contacts for me to enrol in that ASS (Anal-Saham Scheme)? By the way I am a muslim but I am willing to convert. You think that would be a problem?

Saifully Yours,
SureFoolYou bin Bodohwi
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written by Motherchell, August 19, 2008 19:15:49
Dear Pete,

I am not a Bumiputra but i somehow made it there with the proper pull of ropes than strings. I'm standing for erectionselections very soon with one guy , whom we are trying to get rid for good , we are doing all we can , even if we have to go against our religion to get him , afterall God only punishes us after our death -- who cares anyway !!!

The problems that I seek your help and advice now from you Pete urgently is -- (not that it will affect my chances in winning the erections elections with a black sheep of a brother i have ).

M1) My brother stole RM24Billion from the Rakyat of Malaysia.

2) He actually made only RM 2Billion , the balance was put into Swiss bank accounts in the names of various high profile Datuks , TanSri's, etc.(the reason my brother is in exile! and shuttles between London and Dubai). The only consolation he gets is , he gets regular unofficial visits from these so called guys at his London mansion . I have added some facts for your good responses to relieve my fears in brackets . Pl take note Pete!!

3)My brother has been out of the Country for almost 6 years , and we all miss him .

My doubts Pete,
a) Since my brother has been out of the Country and is a wanted man , would he have any problems renewing his International Passport?

b) Since he is a wanted man , would the MFA or the Home Affairs Ministry brand my brother a terrorist to get his PP cancelleed ???( but then this factor is a far shot as all have been fed well by my brother, plus his "kaki "is his man on top at the Home Affairs, in fact they look alike ,except that the other guy 's scalp shines in the dark-could be hair growth fertilizer ointments )

c) Since he has paid all his friends their share , would they have a contract on him?

Imp.Note : It is vital that, everything I tell you here must be between you and me , pl! for heavens sake don't let your MT readers know this , or they will misunderstand and not vote for me ---I trust you, with the Holy Koran in my left hand!

Also Pete, pl do wish me luck at the erectionselections--sorry I not very good in Englesh. In fact we all are not . My family members don't speak too ! But we do speak good Mandarin though! i picked it up when i used to meet my towkey friends at Pulau Pinang sorry at PP.

Though my chances of winning is low,Allah is Great!!I have had the help of my friends from KL with lots of mischief to get the other guy out!!! We in the party have done all we can to fix him . We found sodomy as the best in Muslim Malaysia , you know how the least educated Brothers of mine will react to this charges.

So My friend Pete , I trust you will give me your solutions to my fears . Thank You my friend . So refreshing to call you my friend , because my Kl friends told me never to make you my friend or have anything to do with you !!

Pete , I'm telling you the truth because I'm a good Muslim . Thank you again , awaiting your reply.
God Bless you and your family Pete! pl don't tell my friends I blessed you too!

Your Friend Always ,
Lazis.
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written by omarkhayyam, August 19, 2008 19:20:17
Pete or pete ...... for god's sake pete ...... ur got me and my wife rolling all over bursting out in laughter

man ur one hell of dude whom we will remember till death so us apart

cheers
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written by dassky2000, August 19, 2008 19:23:46
Dear Pete,

I am 53 years old,a couple of years younger than you ofcourse. I am thinking of starting T.V. Talk show, need a partner and then ofcourse I need a licence to broadcaste and a station which will allow my slot to be aired every weekdays for a solid 1 hour.

So as such, since you are a malay, can we become partners and I can use your name to apply for the relevant documents and I will pay your 60% of the profits. You don't have to do anything just sleep that's all you do.

What say you pete?

dassky smilies/grin.gif
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written by malaysianohope, August 19, 2008 19:24:21
Dear Abang Pete,
I am a pure bred Indian but I have a humongous ego that I will become the next AG, so I converted to a Muslim. But my path was purposely sabotaged by you when you disclose to the world that I'm scheming to blackmail Anwar & you. So I took court action to stop you but then I discovered that you do not have one sen in your name. So how lah!
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written by dassky2000, August 19, 2008 19:24:34
Oops, I forgot.......... I am Indian smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif smilies/grin.gif
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written by BOB007, August 19, 2008 19:30:07
TO RAJADURAI

ur parent name u as rajadurai..... bcz thr blief in ur name tht mean king of boss...cn take care all of ur famliy wen ur parent become old.... plz thing tht ur parent give u every thing in ur life and want see u success in life....but with ur stupit disicion to convert to islam bcz of love..... thing this the way u pay back 2 ur parent after thy work hard to give everyting 2 u....then after u dei thr even cnt see ur face.....

IF u say LOVE....ha ha ha... gurl anytime cn find la macha.....if parent onliy 1 time in ur holl life.... THINK 2 time be4 doit....after convert u canot come back 2 ur normal life.... so my advoice in if u BORN AS HINDU MAKE SURE U DIE AS HINDU
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written by ahmadneil, August 19, 2008 19:35:09
Dearest Pete,I know a friend whose uncle is a racist.He is so racist that he even treat his son and daughter-in-law like shit.You know,pete,this racist is a ***** and he refuse to talk to his son in-law becos his son is a rich chinese who often go with his girlfriend to hotel and don't come back to the *****'s daughter.The ***** got very angry and call this chinese son in-law a second class animal.Another is this ***** fatty daughter in-law who is very arrogant and often go out to party late into the night.She likes to be jilah by her friends so often she don't comes back to ***** house.so ***** use to tell his friends that this daughter in-law behaves like a prostitude.Now everyone in malaysia knows that my friend's uncle is a ***** racist.My friend is so ashame to go out now,so can you help,Pete,I'm not joking.This ***** racist is old so I hope he die faster,then my friend can go out again.
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written by ROBERTNGTG, August 19, 2008 19:37:21
DEAR PETE, I MAY BE SUED FOR READING/POSTING COMMENTS ON YR WSITE. BUT I AM ADDICTED TO MT. MY HANDS TREMBLE IF I STOP. PLS ADV WHAT SHOULD I DO.
WILL I HV TO MIGRATE BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANY TROUBLE WITH THE LAW.
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written by Limau, August 19, 2008 19:41:31
Submarine